discovering my threshold of pain

is far less unless self inflicted 

recovering from the patterns 

I know too well

I return again

this time it feels real

a chance to be seen

in ways I’m meant to give

and not disappear

when feelings appear

but learn to love

without expectation

or risk the pain

of shoes that don’t fit

I’m forced to admit

they vaguely resemble

an acquaintances dream

drawn and quartered

and passion waning

a soldier after war

is forced to accept

this lack of structure

is wearing me thin

Left with little time

for spontaneous play

toying with the possibility

we exist and function

eerily similar 

to our beloved drone

a couple of courses closer

until treading understands

its place in the shallow end

a marriage of worlds

it’s there where purpose begins

tiny hats shade big eyes

heads filled with noise and cheers

is my desire painfully obvious

to everyone within the city block

or only those who were near

a trail mix of characters

crowded my view

suffocated by acquaintances

and crippled by small talk

finding my way, but

I still feel lost without you

New thoughts wanted 

to return brand new

present for debate

and vulnerable for you

lost in the layers

of muscular thighs

a rolodex of pain

turns behind your eyes

is there a power

to save this night

from the broken men

in this predictable light

the tank is empty

and my car is full

left with nothing

beyond push and pull

things that I crave

are what closes doors

and keeps its prisoners

coming back for more

fooled by your interest

as the subject of desire

are you the mirror

and I the liar?

Apology on repeat

until your face turns blue

I love everything about you

except you